“But this wasn’t just any old self-promoting David Blaine stunt. As a reward for his success, Target will give 100 underprivileged New York children chosen by the Salvation Army a David Blaine-led $500 shopping spree through one of its stores, because the spirit of Christmas is nothing if not a sharp reminder to the world’s poor that however hard they work, their children will always be more thankful to the smug tit who made more money for their kids by spending a few hours twatting about on a gyroscope than they manage to scrape together in six months of back-breaking labour.“